Mixed feelings when you are a mom

My year old toddler was struggling to find a position in which he feels like sleeping. Final his head hit me hard on my nose and he settled on my arms. Not wanting to disturb him I ignored the knockout and didn’t move at all. 

I was looking at this lad, one hand holding a bunch of my hair, other hand’s thumb in his mouth, his head resting on my arms and eyes closed, he had a peaceful look on his face. While I was still starring him and feeling proud to me a mother he smiled in sleep and turned, his back facing me now and I realized he left my hair, and held my forearms with both his hands and was smiling still.

That was a cute sight, he simply curdled around my arms and kept the beautiful smile on. I just could not afford to miss the love I felt from him and in return I was smiling from ear to ear. Reality suddenly strike me, ‘oh I cannot move now’. I had made plans to perform the activities which otherwise I cannot do when he is wide awake and here the baby is sleeping and how will I do the work pending. Thinking about this I tried to move my hands but change in his expression made me stop any efforts towards escaping, I felt that it was my baby’s plan to hold me so he can peacefully sleep. Lying back and thinking all possible way to flee watching the hands of the wall clock in front of me moving.

Moments later I felt a tap on my hand, I ignored it then came a second tap on my face and heard a sound like eeeyaaaa. I gained my conscious and tried to recollect releasing that thinking about escape I slept for good 2 hours and my baby also slept peacefully for this long which he hardly does. I found a nice wide welcoming smile from my kid to which I smiled and hugged him back. He shouted eeyaa again got down from the bed and started to roam around in search of what to play with and I was there lying on my bed and banged my head, had mixed feeling for lost time but the naughty fellow made me sleep which is not bad either. 

My Star...Dedicated to my love

I woke up in the morning with the feeling of a new day. The new day had a
wish. I wished that I could see a shinning star in the bright clear blue
sky. I went to see the sky. The bright sunny sky had birds flying all over.
Sun's rays were adding beauty to few clouds floating up there. The breeze
was cold as it was early in the morning. Through my balcony I could see the
sea. Its appearance gave me strength to carry on. Sea or ocean as you may
call it is huge. It has the heart of a gem so much of life, and activities
keep going on in it but yet its so silent and so simple. From above one
could never know what’s going on inside. I tried to search my Star and
there right in front of me I could see a single big star shinning as if it
was smiling to me and wishing me good morning and a good day ahead.
Satisfied with what I have witnessed through my balcony I went in to
prepare for a long day ahead.

My day was as busy & as usual hectic but I was wondering that I kept
thinking about my star and the calmness its presence brought me. Its good
wishes have helped me through my day. After the days work I got back home.
It was getting dark outside and my Star strike my mind again. I rushed to
my balcony to visit it again that day.

As the sun sets I could see the bright sky disappearing into dim lights of
the millions of small stars. I could see the sun is immersing itself into
the sea to come again for another bright day. The sky was now occupied by
small-small lights, the lights of many stars. The sea was quiet as usual.
The streetlights were switched on. The traffic was more as people might be
in hurry to reach home. The breeze was cold again. But there I could meet
my brightest Star. It stands out in the mass. I could feel the Intensity
and serenity it brought deep in me, it simply lighten me up from inside.
Smiling at my star I started to talk to it. I explained it how was my day
and it listened to me quietly. Having done with my talking I was in peace
to end the day as I knew my Star would be there in the bright sky the next
day, to wish me luck through out the day.

Sun is symbol of hope, Birds remembered me of life, Sea its beauty and
vastness. When I saw the sky it told me to follow my limitless dreams. Few
clouds represented coolness and movement in life, many small stars are the
crowd and my Star stands out. My Star is my hope, life, dream and my love
and this Bright Star, MY STAR is you..... I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The joy of Giving

I love giving gifts to the people whom I like gifts and yes looove to receive gifts he he he.

On b’days / anniversaries I tend to send a Card or a small momentum to my dear ones. But that was only up to a limit. It was just to see happiness on my pals face.

Almost a year ago I met a young, talented and very talkative girl. No one could mess with her. We work at the same place and that was when I learnt from her the joy of giving.

She is the only person whom I have ever seen who loves to present her pals with lots of gift. You just have to be in her long list of friends and you are surely to be surprised on your b’day with her gifts. If it’s not your b’day just without any occasion she will buy something and gift it to you. She always say “I was at this shop and I saw this thing (the present) and I thought of you so here it’s for you”. We stare her with our amazed eyes. Earlier my thoughts were like “what a stupid brat she is”. As time passed by and she become my very good friend only then I realized the joy she gets to present her loved ones. People have started fearing to open their mouth and say “oh!!! I like this” as the next day she might get it for them.

Her innocent act impressed everyone because all she accepts is love and true friendship in return nothing else. But our common tendency is how we gonna return it to her?

She is for sure the craziest person I have ever seen who spends more than half of her salary on her dear ones. I am sure she’s gonna hate me to have used the word “spend” as she do not agree on the term when she gets gifts.

But on the whole no one can beat her on this act of her’s but she truly enjoys the joy and pleasant smile on her friends face.

I hope from the bottom of my heart that I am by her side when she needs me. GOD BLESS

remind ur self

Neglecting me???

My biggest fear is to be left alone. I fear loneliness.
Few months back suddenly I felt that no one needs about me. No one loves me. My parents are no longer the same they have their own world to carry on and I am not a part. My brother now don’t like to talk to me and my dear friends they don’t like me and are simply irritated to talk to me. Whatever I say what ever I do, never interest any of them. My demands become secondary and I am no longer a part in their life. I felt helpless and useless. The only thing I did was started to stay aloof. Not talking to any one. Quite all the time- at home, office, and everywhere I go. I actually made myself meet my nightmare “being lonely”.

I cried for reasons I still don’t understand. I don’t know what was going on but I felt miserable. My depression was now visible on my face to my surprise people noticed it. “What happened to you?” With all their concerns each and every person asked me and my parent got much tensed. All were scratching their heads to know the reason of my silence.

And that was the moment I learned a very important lesson of my life. “No one neglected me it was only me who reacted that way”. It was me who got aloof and yes lonely. I was punishing myself and I realized that I felt neglected but no one actually tried to do that to me.
So now I have learned a biggest lesson to live life as if it’s my world.