Best Gift by God

My Parents often gets nostalgic whenever they think of the day I was born. Of-course they were super exciting for their first child but my mom says dad could not reach our native place- Ujjain; Madhya Pradesh city of lord Shiv, on time during my birth as she had to be rushed one afternoon to hospital by my uncle and family taking care of my mom and the unborn me.

Mom's case got a little complicated that doctor gave up on her and as per filmy scene the relatives were asked to choose whom to save- the mother or the child, and the mother was chosen. Luckily for me there was a senior doctor who came just in time to rescue me too and saved both of us. I was born normally which made all the relatives take a sigh of relief.

In India C section delivery is a taboo so the moment doctors says its normal delivery relatives starts the celebrations without really bothering to know the health or for that matter the gender of the child. If one female in the house has normal delivery and another cesarean than the later poor chap will have to listen to stories and greatness of the normal delivery of the former female. Years later when I was due giving birth to my first child and doctor announced there is a need for C Section, my family members first doubted the doctor's capability, then stared to infinity, again blamed the business requirement of the doctor and after 2 hours of long round table discussion and consulting my dad (a doctor) finally with heavy heart doctor was claimed right and my baby could breathe in open air on the date fixed by doctor via cesarean method. In such cases, till today people do not consider the risk on life, if my mother had been operated immediately to bring me out she would have not suffered for these many hours and risk her or my life.

So coming back to my birth story mom suffered the pain for good 8-9 hours and the nurses couldn't believe the calmness my mother had on her face. I asked her how the hell she did not scream and made the doctors go crazy knowing her impatient nature, to which she said “I was young having very limited knowledge about any of this sort, no one to support inside the labor room, was scared even to ask the doctor what is happening. Things were very different then so I sometimes regret been so ignorant what if anything went wrong, I was from a small town, never been to hospital and no awareness on the procedure which follows or what could be erroneous. The funny thing is that I patiently waited trying to be as calm as possible not screaming my throat out as there was also fear losing my child”.

This story also made me realise the importance of education apart from regular degree we gain, is so important for all to be attentive, informed and capable of taking decisions the right time during the time of crisis. Also there is a huge support system named husband who cannot be replaced with any amount of love and assistance from our dearest relatives (no offence but it is true).

My mom was from small town but shifted to Mumbai city with me following my dad, since then a small town girl have transformed herself to well informed, independent and confident women who can now turn everything upside down for her family.

Every year on my birthday she retrieves this story with same mix of emotions like fear, happiness, excitement and regrets to which I always conclude: “God gave you the best gift on your birthday- ME” to which she laughs and we wish each other HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Fasting for long life

There are two types of calendars in India- one is the normal English calendar with public holidays marked and beautified pictures for each month. One will also find family God/ Saint in the yearly calendar in almost all the household. Another type of calendar is the regional calendar which will have the region wise festivals and days, mostly dull and filled with data for the year, only you need to be expert to read and analyze the data printed. The moment New Year Hindi calendar arrives at home, there are certain festivals which need to be marked and arrangements made accordingly. Like you need to book tickets to home town at least 4 months prior to Diwali so this date needs to be marked and remembered to book relevant tickets on time.

One such festival most of north Indian women are crazy about is Karva Chauth (KC). Thanks to films and TV serials this is now a fashion and show off more than then festival. A month prior wife demands budget for her KC preparation. An expensive saree, matching jewelry, decorative plates and sweets are to be arranged, but on top of all this expenses, wife also expect a surprise gift from husband which becomes disappointment incase no gifts are offered at the end of the day “whole day efforts gone wasted”. Also there will be at least one male friend or family who fasts along with the wife and if it’s not the case with you, a bigger surprise is awaited. Husband stuffed is tummy with food and you starving the whole day without even water not fair you deserve a surprise element in return.

I face phases on the day of KC repeating every year, learnt gradually to overcome them but phases also improve.

Phase 1- A month prior, prep phase. I have made it a point that in a year I get a saree (expensive) from hubby dear. So he need to come with me help selecting, which we end up rejecting his choice and pay for my choice saree that’s it. Next my work for matching jewelry and blouse prep is pending. Once all is done I am all set for the festival.

Phase 2- A day before the KC, booking family meet phase. Trying to figure out with whom I can celebrate the KC. I am not well verse with the ‘to do list’ of the festival. If I do alone, it feels a bit boring and ending up doing only half of the stuff, celebrating with friends or family is a better choice. The biggest issue is each family has its own way of doing the pooja so the family I celebrate with guides me their way of performing the ceremonies, which is why my mother in law is never completely satisfied with the way I do these Pooja as it does match the rituals she wants me to perform. Each year I have been told by my mother in law and the family I am with how to perform all rituals and it’s complicated!

Phase 3- Preparation for office phase. The day before KC, I generally search a beautiful saree from my previous stock of untouched saree, to be worn in the morning while going to office. Relatives suggests to be at home during the fast- WHAT really am I not well why will I stay at home and mark a holiday just because I am fasting? Personally I choose to go out of home as it diverts my mind and help forgetting about the fasting part. Normally I am not foodie but knowing that the food is not allowed for the rest of the day makes me foodie. So going to office is mandate. On the KC day when I get up smiling an instant decision is been taking looking at the running hands of the clock “no saree wear a nice heavy salwar suit and rush out of the home”.

Phase 4- early morning phase. Normally the mornings are painful for me as I can’t control my hunger in the morning. I took special waiver from the mom in law that I can have a glass of plain milk in the morning for KC, so the day starts with milk filled tummy. As the day graduates me and my other KC fasting friends’ feels proud of self, while other colleagues who are not fasting chew their breakfast and for sure some munching at their respective desk. But we fasting gang is in full control and not at all craving for the food.

Phase 5- lunch time hunger phase. Try to find more and more work to be engrossed, if an old friend passes by the desk asking about the fasting they will have to listen to all the above phases by default. It helps in feeling good and the sympathy from not fasting guys give confidence enough for the rest of the day. Lunch time passes well, to my surprise the food in canteen and the tiffin of colleagues don’t tempt at all, they are any ways never welcoming. The inner soul is self-motivated till now. Throat is demanding water but water can be avoided till evening after all it is for my hubby dear.

Phase 6- Guilty phase. Throughout the year I don’t fast very often so very important to stop the basic instinct to drink water. The water bottle at the desk needs to be empty. Till 3:30 4 pm life was good but as the clock stuck 4pm hungry peeps in and make noises in the stomach. Whether I am at home or in office, as the day goes by there is regrets of keeping the fast so strict comes up. Thoughts that husband must have had his lunch and now heading towards coffee or evening snacks makes the regret feeling aggravate. Here I am not eating a stuff and hubby filling his stomach with the tastiest treat he can ever have craves in. So now not eating is no more an issue but husband feeding himself becomes reason to get irritated.

Phase 7- Evening phase. As it’s a festival leaving from office is my right. By now tummy stopped crying of hunger, as the excitement creep in. Hubby is also no more a culprit as he will be worshipped in some time, a new found love is born for him. If going to celebrate alone at home so thinking of the food to be prepared gives pleasure otherwise excitement to get ready and go for celebration with family/ friends is already dancing inside.

Phase 8- Waiting for moon, the worst phase. Food is ready the fasting ladies all decked up and the waiting period of Moon starts. Heavy clothes, jewelry are part of the Indian festival celebration; a new craze is taking selfies in different poses and people. The best picture needs to then segregated and posted on social media, checking for number of likes and comments, other friends picture is another task to be performed while waiting for our beloved moon.

If moon was a human he would be super happy that all the pretty ornamented ladies waiting for his one look. The ladies are waiting eagerly which gives the moon reason to show tantrums, since no one really wait and celebrate him the whole year apart from this day.

Phase 9- Frustrated phase. As we get more and more eager to worship the moon, it takes the longer time. Now along with the hunger, thirst becomes instant poison; these last moments are very difficult to bear. With the increase in the eagerness, phone calls to friends and relatives in different part of India are made. This makes you feel good that at least they have seen the moon and even started eating food while your stomach is still making noise and asking you to fill in something and throat is in abusive mood.  

Phase 10- Food finally, the D-time phase. The moment we see the moon, our patience have already been tested to the fullest. The only thing that is in mind is to grab hubby and rush to the place the moon is visible and basic Pooja can be done. This is the time I thank the moon to finally show up. Fastest rituals will be performed and instruct the spouse give me water and feed me the sweets- rest of the stuffs can be done later. That small sip of water is amrit for the day, the importance of water can be felt clearly. Feeling content with water and sweets inside there is a mix feeling of thank fullness and yes satisfaction of completing the fast successfully and minimal thought of food/ water.

Whatever said and done, I normally don’t believe that my fasting will help increasing the life of my husband. The craze of the festival in India makes me follow it, I take it as KC is a festival to revive the love. It is a reason to buy clothes, get ready, make sweets (Okie I buy sweets) and most importantly pampered by hubby dearest. It is a symbol to show and receive love and care from both of us. It seems so pure to see our adults smile and being shy while looking the moon and then their partners though a round sieve while praying for each other’s happiness.

I am not in to force husbands in fasting on this day, their wish they can accompany wife but at least stand next to her and feel responsible in praying for happiness and togetherness.

Most tiring thing to do

When I was a kid I used to dream for the day I will be eligible to drive, so as soon I turned 18 I joined a driving school and yeah got my driving lessons in no time as I was super exited and as my trainer would say talented.

During college I could not really drive frequently, but the moment I could crab a car I would hop in the driver’s seat. After my first daughter was born I bought a second hand car for self drove office daily. For first few days it was like dream come true as I was finally getting my own car and drive when I like. Few and my daughter enjoyed our car and the little drives. And then my office address changed, my drive to office increased from half hour to 1.5 hours.

This was the time I was to face some serious frustration named TRAFFIC.

First few days were good and I started to wonder why people scared me about delay and long travel time and then one day while returning to office I found the terror. It was as if all cars have denied moving or are in some type of strike, just not moving, that day I took 1 hour just to move half kilometer. I was patiently waiting to see the cause of this heavy traffic but I came to a crossing there was a traffic police trying to control all, poor chap was bombarded with cars from all sides. He patiently tried to control all. The best part was the moment the crossing was passed there was no traffic. So just a minute back I was stuck in immobile traffic and a minute later I have an empty road to drive through. During the coming days I had faced many types of traffic:- never ending construction, Pot holes, no traffic signal so no management, a big vehicle blocked the road and for no reason traffic. Although there are few areas where the traffic attacks are a daily routine but few roads have no fixed pattern, any day, any road they can strike and can make one wait for more than 2.5 hours for only few meter distance.

This year India specially Maharashtra and near states faced major water shortage and the rains were blessings, but rains as every year was an eye opener for most of the roads in Mumbai. The officials claiming the roads are in good condition this year where crossed questioned via many radio channels and so rains where the major reasons for traffic this year as well. Even the flyovers where attacked by pot holes and these where super scary I felt we can land on the vehicles moving below the bridge any time. With time many holes where filled, few solved the issues on temporary basis and the basic problem still persists.

I have developed love for radio during this period, new songs to hear and any current affairs are been taken so well by these jockeys. They contact the officials and make them answerable, they are media after all and have few big celebrities created from the radio. They influence people and have the power to create news. So each day they come up with offers, charity celeb talks competing with other stations simultaneously. The RJ's also keep notifying about traffics and that their stations/ show will help us, to some extend yes it helps but the traffic is never ending frustration.

Even mobiles phones are good support to kill the time in never ending traffic. Taking selfies, pictures of different things in the car in creative angels, surfing social media do work as medication to an extent. On one of my friend found a quick snap to be good remedy as other cars will wake you up honking even if the car ahead of you moves for 5 inches only, I can’t really use this idea.

After trying all possibilities to keep myself busy during traffic which is just not moving, I now know that driving is fun only on open roads and frustration on traffic filled roads. 

When God sit down to paint

It is said God created everything; us, the land, sky, other creatures everything. This is what is called as nature, beautiful and pure. We all are the part of nature and we evolve with every new life on earth. Humans in the race of developing or evolving often forget to admire the beauty of the surrounding, beauty of each creature around us. So to witness this we try to go for weekend gateways in so called natures lap but we forget we are also part of the nature.

I have always admired the beauty of the clouds. They enhance the look of the sky, give it detailing and becomes inspiration for an artist. I stare the sky where ever I go, India or any other country I step on to and enjoy capturing them for life in my camera. Mobile phone and camera now days are handy but be assured will not do justice to what your eyes see and feel. Dark blue sky with spotless white clouds painted in different designs and sculptures too, strong rays of sun passing by a bunch of clouds will blow your mind away. When we try to protect and love mother earth, the sky is also part of the same Mother Nature. So important is to protect our sky, its beauty and purity.

One of my best memory of nature was from Boracay Islands, Philippines; was walking just around sunset along the beach, to find a boat sailing on water of different shades of blue just when the sun is on its way down, the sky with white painted clouds and orange sky, the breeze was perfect for a walk along the cold sand. I could not take a step more, the breathtaking view was what my eyes and brain wanted to capture forever and I didn’t want to go back either, I could sit on the sand watching the view longer. This was only for few minutes when in front of my eyes the whole scene changed and it was dark. The very little moment I had will there fresh always in my mind and memories.

There have been many instances in my life where I could witness the artist in our God who paints the sky with colours and love. We all need to be cautious of nature and respect what it gives to us. 

Thanking for this life

I had a superb childhood, while my parents ensured I get my necessities they also knew exactly what and when to be provided to me. My growing years have been with family, friends and loads of fun. I was not allowed for night outs buts friends were very much welcomed at house; till college movie with friends was a BIG no while we had family movie times; whatever cooked has to be eaten by all, no special treatment to anyone. So mom has set few rules to be followed which were not be bent even for one instance, it used to make me upset and only one dialogue will be heard “ you will know I am doing right when you have kids”. Despite of rules there was space to enjoy to grow with confidence and so much love. There was no differentiation between me and my brother which is common is Indian families where boys are favored. Parents ensured to give me a grand wedding and my husband has done no less to spoil me to the fullest. With little ups and down everything was and is so pleasant. Touch wood!!

Thinking and thanking for the beautiful life gifted by my lord I was driving home with a smile on my face. At traffic signal I indulged in a soothing song perfect for the thoughts going around me, someone knocked the door. A little girl dressed in a torn and muddy frock with pretty flowers stitched which was also lost its original color was smiling at me. She had a round face and very shabby hair not been combed for days, her face had dirt and teeth equally un-cleansed. But her smile broaden my smile as well, she showed her hands and pointed at something which she wanted. I didn’t understand at first so lowered my window and gave her a chocolate I had, she took it but kept pointing holding the window not letting me close. And I found she wanted a small puppet hanged on my rear mirror which had bright and beautiful colors.

My daughter likes it very much and hence I kept it in the car as the colors resemble her bright presence in my life. The traffic lights turned green and I said “sorry I can’t give you this” also asked to leave my window closing it on her face, she kept asking me and then suddenly with a grin just left the place. From that day the puppet do not remind me of my daughter it reminds of that little girl who is not privileged to have a toy of her choice. Few days later on the very same signal I came across a little boy who was doing the same thing to another car, may be these kids are trained on this or maybe they really urge for these toys.

Whatever it is, I keep thinking of the privileges I been given and is able to provide the same to my kids, although I am not a regular or very strict follower of any gods we believe in India, I always remember to thank the power; an almighty who gave me this life and ensured it is filled with love, care, happiness and beautiful people.

Magic Stunts

Today while driving to office witnessed a stunt show by two auto rickshaws. Auto 1 was driving slowly while the driver of the auto 2 peeped his one leg out and held the back or bumper of auto 1 with it. So it was amazing the way they managed to match the speed, stay together and stay connected.

Now this stunt was on a crowded road, as they had perform the trick they were really slow, hindering other vehicles to pass by, creating ciaos on already congested road. Not bothered to wind up and follow the road rules they kept enjoying easily avoiding all the honking (so much noise pollution).

For a moment even if we forget the noise and traffic created I felt this was very dangerous. The auto 2 driver can hurt himself really hard, what if the speed of each auto changes, what if the 1^st auto un- alarmingly stops, or they get hit from behind in any case they can get themselves in serious trouble. I am not able to understand why people want to risk their life this way, by not following road rules and safety which is made for them only. Wearing a helmet, seat belt, not speeding, driving on correct side of the road, following the traffic signals etc., are simple things which can be followed and avoid accidents from our end.

Such stunts can not only harm self but make misfortune for others too. While driving daily to office and back, I have seen many such stunts ending up to disastrous end, so it’s better to be safe there are better ways to perform these stunts and even more important things to do in life.

One unwanted stunt many concerns.

Patanjali Beauty Products

India is moving towards Ayurveda and hence may products have boomed in market. The most popular is the Pitanjali range of beauty, household, food or health products

Patanjali has headquarter in Haridwar, founded by Acharya Balkrishna and Baba Ramdev who are Ayurveda and Yog Guru. The founders are scholars of their fields and are out with products like Foods, beverages, cleaning agents and personal care products majorly.

Beauty products I used

There are only few products of Patanjali I have tried yet. And the much talked about products are worth it, I am completely happy with the results on self.  Out of hundreds of products I have tried only the below-

	Product	Price (INR)	Quantity
1	Aloe Vera gel	80	150 ml
2	Coconut oil	65	210 gm
3	Almond oil	50	100 ml
4	Face wash	45	60 gm
5	Body Ubtan	60	100 gm
6	Patanjali Herbal Mehandi	35	100 gm

My pack just getting over need new one

I am completely in love with the Aloe Vera gel, they also have Aloe Vera moisturizing cream which I still have to try. Back to the gel, this can be used on hair for nourishment and smoothening, on body, especially face and hand and I have also seen superb result when applied on burns. If you spill a hot mug of water/ tea or just touched a hot cooker apply the Aloe Vera immediately it will relief from struggling pain and real bad marks.

Coconut oil I have used for hair, it has granules of coconut and when hot gives nice aroma, I am a fan of parachute coconut oil, so this product actually didn’t make any difference for me to switch the oil. The same with the Almond oil, which I use for hair and sometimes face. These two products are good to use but nothing different from already present ones, the price is also approx. the same range.

 

I liked the face washes I have used two of them Saundarya face wash the usage of which made me feel clean, the after effect was not itchy or dry. So I thought of trying Neem Tulsi face wash, and this one also turned to be awesome gentle on skin. While Saundarya is cream based Neem Tulsi face wash is soap free water based or gel face wash and both gave excellent results. No need to take high quantity, small amount also work very well hence this can be used for longer period. Highly recommend.

The best part about Ayurveda products are the purity we are looking for, the Patanjali Herbal Body Ubtan is one of the case. The moment you open the packet you will get a beautiful camphor (Kapur) scent. It contains cleansing materials like blank Lentil (urad daal), Turmeric (Haldi), Red Lentil (Masoor daal) etc. It leaves the skin smooth and very soft, the aroma does not stay on skin but you will feel fresh and clean for sure.

Yes this is my used packet

 Mehandi is something that is very common hair mask for Indian family. We love to apply it as hair color or just nourishing Mehandi is first choice, mix it with coffee powder for deeper color, add an egg for smooth and shiny hair or apply with curd for oily hair. Patanjali Herbal Mehandi is a good choice, it has other ingredients as well like Amla, Shikakai which add to the goodness. I have used this and found to be effective as expected from this mixture.

 

Other products

Apart from the beauty products I bought two below products and found them good enough to be used. No extraordinary or different quality but can be used, it is cost effective.

1)      Herbal Suhag Teeka- Unlike the few of the stick sindoor this one easy to apply and smugproof. I loved the color which is good for daily/ office wear look. The packaging says it contains Rakt Chandan, manjishta, Kesar etc, which is herbal and not itchy harm for scalp. So like this sindoor.

2)      Detergent- Claims to have herbal products, although I have used it only once I found it to be regular product. It can be because I used it for washing machine and not washing by hands. It left slight fragrance which is a plus. Can be used for it is affordable and herbal than the regular detergents available in the market.

How to buy them

Many franchise can be seen get more info from their website, while they are also available in all major online shopping sites and they also have an online shopping site of their own- http://www.patanjaliayurved.net/

Bling Bag- July subscription

After viewing I don’t know how many reviews and YouTube videos finally decided to invest on subscription boxes. I bought my very first from Bling bag. It is basically the jewelry subscription.

I got July 2016 bag and as they call there were 4 blings in it. Before you order from their website they have a list of questionnaire to understand your style and send the blings accordingly. Because I have issues wearing necklaces I opted out therefore I got 2 earrings, 1 Ring and 1 Bracelet. 

The bag in which goodies had been carefully packed is apt for the month's slogan- Geometric Affair. and the jewelry also match to the same. 

 The beautiful blue and green earring is my favorite absolutely elegant and will suit western as well as Indian attire

 The bracelet along also contains of shapes and wonderful color combinations. for office and general wear this will give a completeness to the overall look.

the theme is fulfilled by my last two blings as well with gorgeous long earring and the finger ring which is adjustable.

I am in love with all the blings I receive as it is scary that the products that reaches is as per my choice. It is for sure super way to pamper self and will for subscribe for longer period soon.

For further details just login to their website J 

Product review 1- Ikonic S3 Hair Straightener

I have curly hair so wanted a straightener which would help me with my hair. I do not apply heat on my hair on regular basis but occasionally when I really want a new hair style, the days when hair is just not manageable (curly hair owners will know what I mean) or a better look. So tried to search many straightener. My nearby beauty shop suggested me many but as per reviews on net and the look of the product I choose to go with Ikonic S3 Hair Straightener.

 

 

I think I do not regret on my choice. The product is easy to use and do great on my hair, it has multiple temperature options which help me choose as per the style I want to go with. It do not burn my hair and leaves a shine on them.  One thing which cannot go un noticeable is its long cord which definitely required for any hair care electronic product.

I simply love the look and packaging of the product and recommend for any naïve user as well.

Few of the features are below

Company	iKonic
Product	Hair straightener
Model name	S3
Heat up time	30 sec
Color	Black

Price comparison in Indian Rupees

Online price of the product in India varies from Rs 2500 to 3000 and lower in case of sale. This is quite affordable as well.

Guilty Shopping

I love shopping, no doubt. Whether it is window shopping, going to a mall, street side shopping or even online. Just going through the products available makes me feel awesome. Can say a stress buster. It’s great that we are in the era where we have different means to buy things and much more variety. We no more need a group to shop with or a fix a time for the same. I and my mom are best buddies to shop, we go insane in a Mall or shopping area. We do go by our shopping list but list can be extended the very moment as well. Online shopping is getting on the head now days, it gives crazy discounts and one can get really confused which online service to use.

My experience with online so far has been good. I bought clothes cosmetics, footwear, cook ware and what not. Download 2-3 shopping app and here you go, compared and toggled for all the things I was shopping. The delivery guy also got friendly with us as he just kept coming our house to deliver goodies we bought. My mom used to utilize the WiFi the most she shortlisting things for me and show me in the evening when we finally order them. And if we find some off or discounts we tend to buy more.

I believe every women’s eyes twinkle with just the name of sale. Without really understanding the rationale behind the sale we tend to attack on it. Recently I have also seen the same reaction from males as well. They enjoy the discount time be it online or physical store.

Sometimes physical store is better than the online one as you can try and feel the stuff yourself. So the online stores have also enabled easy return policy. And hence the worst part is the wait time of a product ordered and if it is not what you wanted another few days to return and get the replaced one. We enjoy the doorstep delivery of about everything and anything along with COD- cash on delivery, we get so many variety to choose from. So if we try to compare the two types of shopping we are privileged each will have its own pros and cons.

Be it any type of shopping I always remember buying too many stuffs and once all gathered I lay them on the floor of my house and check out what all stuffs I bought. Think of a situation- you are to buy clothes to gift someone and your eyes are stuck at a dress worn by the mannequin nearby, it seems that this is the dress you wanted forever, what can be done buy it of course. So on return we discuss which is better the purchasing done. Going through the stuffs lying on the floor staring at us with hopes of hugs and broad smile we start calculating the money spent on them and finally we end thinking why did we spend money on a particular thing, or is this a good deal or simply I spent so much for only these 2 stuff. The best one is “Do I really need this?” There develops a guilty shopping situation. We try to console ourselves, “no issues these are useful”; “well I can gift it to a friend on birthday”; this is indeed the best deal we could get, don’t compare the other store/ online site”.

One fine day I finally decided to reduce shopping, the best thing I did was to uninstall all shopping apps from my phone and reduce rounds to mall. Necessities are to be bought but for self I have already collected enough for next 4 months. The courier boy notices it saying ‘not many parcels now days madam’ errr it irritates me. I am trying to control my shopping spree and he is teasing me here.

Although I have uninstalled the applications, it was and will always be fun to shop in shopping area or using the app. I know soon I will empty my phone to make storage space for the apps J

A Note on A Tissue

I found a piece of tissue paper and wrote Good Morning trying to make it look like calligraphy. Kept it on my desk at work, everyday first thing which my eyes found is this little note. It just makes me smile on a stupid thought to keep this tissue paper there but never thought to throw it off. Today the paper flew down and picking it up I went to memory lane.

Since childhood I enjoyed writing with my pen in different fonts. Writing anything, a thought, a saying or may be just a song but with a regular pen not the calligraphy pens. Used to spend time writing anything and then filling the bold part of the alphabet.

While in school I used to create cards this way and give to my friends on their b’day or just to say thanks or may be just like that. I discovered that writing on a tissue paper was more fun, one has to be careful not to tear it and the outcome looked pretty. I started searching for more font. Those days Google was very new and searching new fonts using it was a delight making you feel that whole world is open to be explored. But with time and higher studies this liking got lost somewhere in the universe and could not practice or learn calligraphy any further.

Few days back, was chatting with a friend and she showed me pictures of all the cards I gave her and she also remembered tissue papers I used to write on. She knew I wrote songs but what she loved was the way I wrote and gave to her especially after a fight. I was shocked that she remembered them as I had pushed these somewhere deep inside my memory. She reminded me of my liking and it made me feel guilty that I ditched what I have always liked, I could have learnt and expertise on calligraphy by now but I choose otherwise easily blaming on busy life or so called more important things in life.

As we grow, society have huge impact on the choices we make, it always influence the way we think and what we choose to do with life. Calligraphy, it was always a hobby and not a profession I wanted to live with but it was something I would have known and practiced as an art, as a skill. So I am not thinking about only this but all the things which was left behind for a better tomorrow but somewhere or the other there is a regret not holding them for longer time.

I would like to teach my kids to hold on with the likes and interests along, to make a difference in self. But I can only teach them hoping they do not get influenced with surroundings and myths just like me.

My Angel

God cannot be everywhere hence he sent his angels for kids, these angels we call as Mother!!

As a kid I heard this many times and completely believed in it. The power of mom’s love was very strong for me. People say I look like my mom and even talk like her. Yes true because I always wanted to be like her. The way she smiles, dresses, get ready, talks, walks, cooks, do anything and even loved her ideas on everything. I found her the most beautiful lady I have ever seen wanted to be just beautiful. She would listen to me for hours together even if she was bored of my talks, even if she could understand nothing, never ever has she ignored me.

I would pray to God and say Sorry to him. “Sorry that I love my mom more than you” “sorry I am dedicated to her more than you”, Guess God must have smiled at me, after all she was his sent angel, and she was his representative. I believe he must have accept my apologies as he has let my mom be my angel till date.

While growing I was busy in my life and ignored what I believed. Busy with friends, studies and other things made me forget to copy her or cherish her the way I used to, her support and ears were always there for me. Then I grew up got married and again have different challenges and a new angel (mother in law), I was adjusting and overcoming all personal and professional challenges applying her positive teachings. The thought of my mom been an angel has always been there in my head some deep inside my thoughts. Even after so much chores a happy situation or a big challenge, a new friend or meeting an old buddy was all I used to talk to her. I realized even after so many years she is the first person I want to run to and my mom listen to me with same beautiful expression. We don’t talk for hours now but those 5 minutes conversation is what she looks forward to.

I know even though she is glad/ and thank full that my hubby’s angel takes very good care of me she feels envious that I share the angel love. She never say that but I can feel it. It’s funny.

The fear I carry now, is that I have been given the role of an angel by my lord. My mom has been a wonderful angel but will I be able to serve a beautiful purpose of raising kids of my own and they have the same feeling I have for my mom, will my kids cherish me, my love and will I be able to do justice to the new role of my life, a new purpose lord gifted me. I am thank full that this privilege has been granted to me at the same time I remember the famous Spiderman dialogue; “With power comes great responsibilities” here the power is motherhood.  

Mixed feelings when you are a mom

My year old toddler was struggling to find a position in which he feels like sleeping. Final his head hit me hard on my nose and he settled on my arms. Not wanting to disturb him I ignored the knockout and didn’t move at all. 

I was looking at this lad, one hand holding a bunch of my hair, other hand’s thumb in his mouth, his head resting on my arms and eyes closed, he had a peaceful look on his face. While I was still starring him and feeling proud to me a mother he smiled in sleep and turned, his back facing me now and I realized he left my hair, and held my forearms with both his hands and was smiling still.

That was a cute sight, he simply curdled around my arms and kept the beautiful smile on. I just could not afford to miss the love I felt from him and in return I was smiling from ear to ear. Reality suddenly strike me, ‘oh I cannot move now’. I had made plans to perform the activities which otherwise I cannot do when he is wide awake and here the baby is sleeping and how will I do the work pending. Thinking about this I tried to move my hands but change in his expression made me stop any efforts towards escaping, I felt that it was my baby’s plan to hold me so he can peacefully sleep. Lying back and thinking all possible way to flee watching the hands of the wall clock in front of me moving.

Moments later I felt a tap on my hand, I ignored it then came a second tap on my face and heard a sound like eeeyaaaa. I gained my conscious and tried to recollect releasing that thinking about escape I slept for good 2 hours and my baby also slept peacefully for this long which he hardly does. I found a nice wide welcoming smile from my kid to which I smiled and hugged him back. He shouted eeyaa again got down from the bed and started to roam around in search of what to play with and I was there lying on my bed and banged my head, had mixed feeling for lost time but the naughty fellow made me sleep which is not bad either.