Best Gift by God

My Parents often gets nostalgic whenever they think of the day I was born. Of-course they were super exciting for their first child but my mom says dad could not reach our native place- Ujjain; Madhya Pradesh city of lord Shiv, on time during my birth as she had to be rushed one afternoon to hospital by my uncle and family taking care of my mom and the unborn me.

Mom's case got a little complicated that doctor gave up on her and as per filmy scene the relatives were asked to choose whom to save- the mother or the child, and the mother was chosen. Luckily for me there was a senior doctor who came just in time to rescue me too and saved both of us. I was born normally which made all the relatives take a sigh of relief.

In India C section delivery is a taboo so the moment doctors says its normal delivery relatives starts the celebrations without really bothering to know the health or for that matter the gender of the child. If one female in the house has normal delivery and another cesarean than the later poor chap will have to listen to stories and greatness of the normal delivery of the former female. Years later when I was due giving birth to my first child and doctor announced there is a need for C Section, my family members first doubted the doctor's capability, then stared to infinity, again blamed the business requirement of the doctor and after 2 hours of long round table discussion and consulting my dad (a doctor) finally with heavy heart doctor was claimed right and my baby could breathe in open air on the date fixed by doctor via cesarean method. In such cases, till today people do not consider the risk on life, if my mother had been operated immediately to bring me out she would have not suffered for these many hours and risk her or my life.

So coming back to my birth story mom suffered the pain for good 8-9 hours and the nurses couldn't believe the calmness my mother had on her face. I asked her how the hell she did not scream and made the doctors go crazy knowing her impatient nature, to which she said “I was young having very limited knowledge about any of this sort, no one to support inside the labor room, was scared even to ask the doctor what is happening. Things were very different then so I sometimes regret been so ignorant what if anything went wrong, I was from a small town, never been to hospital and no awareness on the procedure which follows or what could be erroneous. The funny thing is that I patiently waited trying to be as calm as possible not screaming my throat out as there was also fear losing my child”.

This story also made me realise the importance of education apart from regular degree we gain, is so important for all to be attentive, informed and capable of taking decisions the right time during the time of crisis. Also there is a huge support system named husband who cannot be replaced with any amount of love and assistance from our dearest relatives (no offence but it is true).

My mom was from small town but shifted to Mumbai city with me following my dad, since then a small town girl have transformed herself to well informed, independent and confident women who can now turn everything upside down for her family.

Every year on my birthday she retrieves this story with same mix of emotions like fear, happiness, excitement and regrets to which I always conclude: “God gave you the best gift on your birthday- ME” to which she laughs and we wish each other HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Fasting for long life

There are two types of calendars in India- one is the normal English calendar with public holidays marked and beautified pictures for each month. One will also find family God/ Saint in the yearly calendar in almost all the household. Another type of calendar is the regional calendar which will have the region wise festivals and days, mostly dull and filled with data for the year, only you need to be expert to read and analyze the data printed. The moment New Year Hindi calendar arrives at home, there are certain festivals which need to be marked and arrangements made accordingly. Like you need to book tickets to home town at least 4 months prior to Diwali so this date needs to be marked and remembered to book relevant tickets on time.

One such festival most of north Indian women are crazy about is Karva Chauth (KC). Thanks to films and TV serials this is now a fashion and show off more than then festival. A month prior wife demands budget for her KC preparation. An expensive saree, matching jewelry, decorative plates and sweets are to be arranged, but on top of all this expenses, wife also expect a surprise gift from husband which becomes disappointment incase no gifts are offered at the end of the day “whole day efforts gone wasted”. Also there will be at least one male friend or family who fasts along with the wife and if it’s not the case with you, a bigger surprise is awaited. Husband stuffed is tummy with food and you starving the whole day without even water not fair you deserve a surprise element in return.

I face phases on the day of KC repeating every year, learnt gradually to overcome them but phases also improve.

Phase 1- A month prior, prep phase. I have made it a point that in a year I get a saree (expensive) from hubby dear. So he need to come with me help selecting, which we end up rejecting his choice and pay for my choice saree that’s it. Next my work for matching jewelry and blouse prep is pending. Once all is done I am all set for the festival.

Phase 2- A day before the KC, booking family meet phase. Trying to figure out with whom I can celebrate the KC. I am not well verse with the ‘to do list’ of the festival. If I do alone, it feels a bit boring and ending up doing only half of the stuff, celebrating with friends or family is a better choice. The biggest issue is each family has its own way of doing the pooja so the family I celebrate with guides me their way of performing the ceremonies, which is why my mother in law is never completely satisfied with the way I do these Pooja as it does match the rituals she wants me to perform. Each year I have been told by my mother in law and the family I am with how to perform all rituals and it’s complicated!

Phase 3- Preparation for office phase. The day before KC, I generally search a beautiful saree from my previous stock of untouched saree, to be worn in the morning while going to office. Relatives suggests to be at home during the fast- WHAT really am I not well why will I stay at home and mark a holiday just because I am fasting? Personally I choose to go out of home as it diverts my mind and help forgetting about the fasting part. Normally I am not foodie but knowing that the food is not allowed for the rest of the day makes me foodie. So going to office is mandate. On the KC day when I get up smiling an instant decision is been taking looking at the running hands of the clock “no saree wear a nice heavy salwar suit and rush out of the home”.

Phase 4- early morning phase. Normally the mornings are painful for me as I can’t control my hunger in the morning. I took special waiver from the mom in law that I can have a glass of plain milk in the morning for KC, so the day starts with milk filled tummy. As the day graduates me and my other KC fasting friends’ feels proud of self, while other colleagues who are not fasting chew their breakfast and for sure some munching at their respective desk. But we fasting gang is in full control and not at all craving for the food.

Phase 5- lunch time hunger phase. Try to find more and more work to be engrossed, if an old friend passes by the desk asking about the fasting they will have to listen to all the above phases by default. It helps in feeling good and the sympathy from not fasting guys give confidence enough for the rest of the day. Lunch time passes well, to my surprise the food in canteen and the tiffin of colleagues don’t tempt at all, they are any ways never welcoming. The inner soul is self-motivated till now. Throat is demanding water but water can be avoided till evening after all it is for my hubby dear.

Phase 6- Guilty phase. Throughout the year I don’t fast very often so very important to stop the basic instinct to drink water. The water bottle at the desk needs to be empty. Till 3:30 4 pm life was good but as the clock stuck 4pm hungry peeps in and make noises in the stomach. Whether I am at home or in office, as the day goes by there is regrets of keeping the fast so strict comes up. Thoughts that husband must have had his lunch and now heading towards coffee or evening snacks makes the regret feeling aggravate. Here I am not eating a stuff and hubby filling his stomach with the tastiest treat he can ever have craves in. So now not eating is no more an issue but husband feeding himself becomes reason to get irritated.

Phase 7- Evening phase. As it’s a festival leaving from office is my right. By now tummy stopped crying of hunger, as the excitement creep in. Hubby is also no more a culprit as he will be worshipped in some time, a new found love is born for him. If going to celebrate alone at home so thinking of the food to be prepared gives pleasure otherwise excitement to get ready and go for celebration with family/ friends is already dancing inside.

Phase 8- Waiting for moon, the worst phase. Food is ready the fasting ladies all decked up and the waiting period of Moon starts. Heavy clothes, jewelry are part of the Indian festival celebration; a new craze is taking selfies in different poses and people. The best picture needs to then segregated and posted on social media, checking for number of likes and comments, other friends picture is another task to be performed while waiting for our beloved moon.

If moon was a human he would be super happy that all the pretty ornamented ladies waiting for his one look. The ladies are waiting eagerly which gives the moon reason to show tantrums, since no one really wait and celebrate him the whole year apart from this day.

Phase 9- Frustrated phase. As we get more and more eager to worship the moon, it takes the longer time. Now along with the hunger, thirst becomes instant poison; these last moments are very difficult to bear. With the increase in the eagerness, phone calls to friends and relatives in different part of India are made. This makes you feel good that at least they have seen the moon and even started eating food while your stomach is still making noise and asking you to fill in something and throat is in abusive mood.  

Phase 10- Food finally, the D-time phase. The moment we see the moon, our patience have already been tested to the fullest. The only thing that is in mind is to grab hubby and rush to the place the moon is visible and basic Pooja can be done. This is the time I thank the moon to finally show up. Fastest rituals will be performed and instruct the spouse give me water and feed me the sweets- rest of the stuffs can be done later. That small sip of water is amrit for the day, the importance of water can be felt clearly. Feeling content with water and sweets inside there is a mix feeling of thank fullness and yes satisfaction of completing the fast successfully and minimal thought of food/ water.

Whatever said and done, I normally don’t believe that my fasting will help increasing the life of my husband. The craze of the festival in India makes me follow it, I take it as KC is a festival to revive the love. It is a reason to buy clothes, get ready, make sweets (Okie I buy sweets) and most importantly pampered by hubby dearest. It is a symbol to show and receive love and care from both of us. It seems so pure to see our adults smile and being shy while looking the moon and then their partners though a round sieve while praying for each other’s happiness.

I am not in to force husbands in fasting on this day, their wish they can accompany wife but at least stand next to her and feel responsible in praying for happiness and togetherness.

Most tiring thing to do

When I was a kid I used to dream for the day I will be eligible to drive, so as soon I turned 18 I joined a driving school and yeah got my driving lessons in no time as I was super exited and as my trainer would say talented.

During college I could not really drive frequently, but the moment I could crab a car I would hop in the driver’s seat. After my first daughter was born I bought a second hand car for self drove office daily. For first few days it was like dream come true as I was finally getting my own car and drive when I like. Few and my daughter enjoyed our car and the little drives. And then my office address changed, my drive to office increased from half hour to 1.5 hours.

This was the time I was to face some serious frustration named TRAFFIC.

First few days were good and I started to wonder why people scared me about delay and long travel time and then one day while returning to office I found the terror. It was as if all cars have denied moving or are in some type of strike, just not moving, that day I took 1 hour just to move half kilometer. I was patiently waiting to see the cause of this heavy traffic but I came to a crossing there was a traffic police trying to control all, poor chap was bombarded with cars from all sides. He patiently tried to control all. The best part was the moment the crossing was passed there was no traffic. So just a minute back I was stuck in immobile traffic and a minute later I have an empty road to drive through. During the coming days I had faced many types of traffic:- never ending construction, Pot holes, no traffic signal so no management, a big vehicle blocked the road and for no reason traffic. Although there are few areas where the traffic attacks are a daily routine but few roads have no fixed pattern, any day, any road they can strike and can make one wait for more than 2.5 hours for only few meter distance.

This year India specially Maharashtra and near states faced major water shortage and the rains were blessings, but rains as every year was an eye opener for most of the roads in Mumbai. The officials claiming the roads are in good condition this year where crossed questioned via many radio channels and so rains where the major reasons for traffic this year as well. Even the flyovers where attacked by pot holes and these where super scary I felt we can land on the vehicles moving below the bridge any time. With time many holes where filled, few solved the issues on temporary basis and the basic problem still persists.

I have developed love for radio during this period, new songs to hear and any current affairs are been taken so well by these jockeys. They contact the officials and make them answerable, they are media after all and have few big celebrities created from the radio. They influence people and have the power to create news. So each day they come up with offers, charity celeb talks competing with other stations simultaneously. The RJ's also keep notifying about traffics and that their stations/ show will help us, to some extend yes it helps but the traffic is never ending frustration.

Even mobiles phones are good support to kill the time in never ending traffic. Taking selfies, pictures of different things in the car in creative angels, surfing social media do work as medication to an extent. On one of my friend found a quick snap to be good remedy as other cars will wake you up honking even if the car ahead of you moves for 5 inches only, I can’t really use this idea.

After trying all possibilities to keep myself busy during traffic which is just not moving, I now know that driving is fun only on open roads and frustration on traffic filled roads. 

When God sit down to paint

It is said God created everything; us, the land, sky, other creatures everything. This is what is called as nature, beautiful and pure. We all are the part of nature and we evolve with every new life on earth. Humans in the race of developing or evolving often forget to admire the beauty of the surrounding, beauty of each creature around us. So to witness this we try to go for weekend gateways in so called natures lap but we forget we are also part of the nature.

I have always admired the beauty of the clouds. They enhance the look of the sky, give it detailing and becomes inspiration for an artist. I stare the sky where ever I go, India or any other country I step on to and enjoy capturing them for life in my camera. Mobile phone and camera now days are handy but be assured will not do justice to what your eyes see and feel. Dark blue sky with spotless white clouds painted in different designs and sculptures too, strong rays of sun passing by a bunch of clouds will blow your mind away. When we try to protect and love mother earth, the sky is also part of the same Mother Nature. So important is to protect our sky, its beauty and purity.

One of my best memory of nature was from Boracay Islands, Philippines; was walking just around sunset along the beach, to find a boat sailing on water of different shades of blue just when the sun is on its way down, the sky with white painted clouds and orange sky, the breeze was perfect for a walk along the cold sand. I could not take a step more, the breathtaking view was what my eyes and brain wanted to capture forever and I didn’t want to go back either, I could sit on the sand watching the view longer. This was only for few minutes when in front of my eyes the whole scene changed and it was dark. The very little moment I had will there fresh always in my mind and memories.

There have been many instances in my life where I could witness the artist in our God who paints the sky with colours and love. We all need to be cautious of nature and respect what it gives to us. 

Thanking for this life

I had a superb childhood, while my parents ensured I get my necessities they also knew exactly what and when to be provided to me. My growing years have been with family, friends and loads of fun. I was not allowed for night outs buts friends were very much welcomed at house; till college movie with friends was a BIG no while we had family movie times; whatever cooked has to be eaten by all, no special treatment to anyone. So mom has set few rules to be followed which were not be bent even for one instance, it used to make me upset and only one dialogue will be heard “ you will know I am doing right when you have kids”. Despite of rules there was space to enjoy to grow with confidence and so much love. There was no differentiation between me and my brother which is common is Indian families where boys are favored. Parents ensured to give me a grand wedding and my husband has done no less to spoil me to the fullest. With little ups and down everything was and is so pleasant. Touch wood!!

Thinking and thanking for the beautiful life gifted by my lord I was driving home with a smile on my face. At traffic signal I indulged in a soothing song perfect for the thoughts going around me, someone knocked the door. A little girl dressed in a torn and muddy frock with pretty flowers stitched which was also lost its original color was smiling at me. She had a round face and very shabby hair not been combed for days, her face had dirt and teeth equally un-cleansed. But her smile broaden my smile as well, she showed her hands and pointed at something which she wanted. I didn’t understand at first so lowered my window and gave her a chocolate I had, she took it but kept pointing holding the window not letting me close. And I found she wanted a small puppet hanged on my rear mirror which had bright and beautiful colors.

My daughter likes it very much and hence I kept it in the car as the colors resemble her bright presence in my life. The traffic lights turned green and I said “sorry I can’t give you this” also asked to leave my window closing it on her face, she kept asking me and then suddenly with a grin just left the place. From that day the puppet do not remind me of my daughter it reminds of that little girl who is not privileged to have a toy of her choice. Few days later on the very same signal I came across a little boy who was doing the same thing to another car, may be these kids are trained on this or maybe they really urge for these toys.

Whatever it is, I keep thinking of the privileges I been given and is able to provide the same to my kids, although I am not a regular or very strict follower of any gods we believe in India, I always remember to thank the power; an almighty who gave me this life and ensured it is filled with love, care, happiness and beautiful people.