Guilty Shopping

I love shopping, no doubt. Whether it is window shopping, going to a mall, street side shopping or even online. Just going through the products available makes me feel awesome. Can say a stress buster. It’s great that we are in the era where we have different means to buy things and much more variety. We no more need a group to shop with or a fix a time for the same. I and my mom are best buddies to shop, we go insane in a Mall or shopping area. We do go by our shopping list but list can be extended the very moment as well. Online shopping is getting on the head now days, it gives crazy discounts and one can get really confused which online service to use.

My experience with online so far has been good. I bought clothes cosmetics, footwear, cook ware and what not. Download 2-3 shopping app and here you go, compared and toggled for all the things I was shopping. The delivery guy also got friendly with us as he just kept coming our house to deliver goodies we bought. My mom used to utilize the WiFi the most she shortlisting things for me and show me in the evening when we finally order them. And if we find some off or discounts we tend to buy more.

I believe every women’s eyes twinkle with just the name of sale. Without really understanding the rationale behind the sale we tend to attack on it. Recently I have also seen the same reaction from males as well. They enjoy the discount time be it online or physical store.

Sometimes physical store is better than the online one as you can try and feel the stuff yourself. So the online stores have also enabled easy return policy. And hence the worst part is the wait time of a product ordered and if it is not what you wanted another few days to return and get the replaced one. We enjoy the doorstep delivery of about everything and anything along with COD- cash on delivery, we get so many variety to choose from. So if we try to compare the two types of shopping we are privileged each will have its own pros and cons.

Be it any type of shopping I always remember buying too many stuffs and once all gathered I lay them on the floor of my house and check out what all stuffs I bought. Think of a situation- you are to buy clothes to gift someone and your eyes are stuck at a dress worn by the mannequin nearby, it seems that this is the dress you wanted forever, what can be done buy it of course. So on return we discuss which is better the purchasing done. Going through the stuffs lying on the floor staring at us with hopes of hugs and broad smile we start calculating the money spent on them and finally we end thinking why did we spend money on a particular thing, or is this a good deal or simply I spent so much for only these 2 stuff. The best one is “Do I really need this?” There develops a guilty shopping situation. We try to console ourselves, “no issues these are useful”; “well I can gift it to a friend on birthday”; this is indeed the best deal we could get, don’t compare the other store/ online site”.

One fine day I finally decided to reduce shopping, the best thing I did was to uninstall all shopping apps from my phone and reduce rounds to mall. Necessities are to be bought but for self I have already collected enough for next 4 months. The courier boy notices it saying ‘not many parcels now days madam’ errr it irritates me. I am trying to control my shopping spree and he is teasing me here.

Although I have uninstalled the applications, it was and will always be fun to shop in shopping area or using the app. I know soon I will empty my phone to make storage space for the apps J

A Note on A Tissue

I found a piece of tissue paper and wrote Good Morning trying to make it look like calligraphy. Kept it on my desk at work, everyday first thing which my eyes found is this little note. It just makes me smile on a stupid thought to keep this tissue paper there but never thought to throw it off. Today the paper flew down and picking it up I went to memory lane.

Since childhood I enjoyed writing with my pen in different fonts. Writing anything, a thought, a saying or may be just a song but with a regular pen not the calligraphy pens. Used to spend time writing anything and then filling the bold part of the alphabet.

While in school I used to create cards this way and give to my friends on their b’day or just to say thanks or may be just like that. I discovered that writing on a tissue paper was more fun, one has to be careful not to tear it and the outcome looked pretty. I started searching for more font. Those days Google was very new and searching new fonts using it was a delight making you feel that whole world is open to be explored. But with time and higher studies this liking got lost somewhere in the universe and could not practice or learn calligraphy any further.

Few days back, was chatting with a friend and she showed me pictures of all the cards I gave her and she also remembered tissue papers I used to write on. She knew I wrote songs but what she loved was the way I wrote and gave to her especially after a fight. I was shocked that she remembered them as I had pushed these somewhere deep inside my memory. She reminded me of my liking and it made me feel guilty that I ditched what I have always liked, I could have learnt and expertise on calligraphy by now but I choose otherwise easily blaming on busy life or so called more important things in life.

As we grow, society have huge impact on the choices we make, it always influence the way we think and what we choose to do with life. Calligraphy, it was always a hobby and not a profession I wanted to live with but it was something I would have known and practiced as an art, as a skill. So I am not thinking about only this but all the things which was left behind for a better tomorrow but somewhere or the other there is a regret not holding them for longer time.

I would like to teach my kids to hold on with the likes and interests along, to make a difference in self. But I can only teach them hoping they do not get influenced with surroundings and myths just like me.

My Angel

God cannot be everywhere hence he sent his angels for kids, these angels we call as Mother!!

As a kid I heard this many times and completely believed in it. The power of mom’s love was very strong for me. People say I look like my mom and even talk like her. Yes true because I always wanted to be like her. The way she smiles, dresses, get ready, talks, walks, cooks, do anything and even loved her ideas on everything. I found her the most beautiful lady I have ever seen wanted to be just beautiful. She would listen to me for hours together even if she was bored of my talks, even if she could understand nothing, never ever has she ignored me.

I would pray to God and say Sorry to him. “Sorry that I love my mom more than you” “sorry I am dedicated to her more than you”, Guess God must have smiled at me, after all she was his sent angel, and she was his representative. I believe he must have accept my apologies as he has let my mom be my angel till date.

While growing I was busy in my life and ignored what I believed. Busy with friends, studies and other things made me forget to copy her or cherish her the way I used to, her support and ears were always there for me. Then I grew up got married and again have different challenges and a new angel (mother in law), I was adjusting and overcoming all personal and professional challenges applying her positive teachings. The thought of my mom been an angel has always been there in my head some deep inside my thoughts. Even after so much chores a happy situation or a big challenge, a new friend or meeting an old buddy was all I used to talk to her. I realized even after so many years she is the first person I want to run to and my mom listen to me with same beautiful expression. We don’t talk for hours now but those 5 minutes conversation is what she looks forward to.

I know even though she is glad/ and thank full that my hubby’s angel takes very good care of me she feels envious that I share the angel love. She never say that but I can feel it. It’s funny.

The fear I carry now, is that I have been given the role of an angel by my lord. My mom has been a wonderful angel but will I be able to serve a beautiful purpose of raising kids of my own and they have the same feeling I have for my mom, will my kids cherish me, my love and will I be able to do justice to the new role of my life, a new purpose lord gifted me. I am thank full that this privilege has been granted to me at the same time I remember the famous Spiderman dialogue; “With power comes great responsibilities” here the power is motherhood.  

Mixed feelings when you are a mom

My year old toddler was struggling to find a position in which he feels like sleeping. Final his head hit me hard on my nose and he settled on my arms. Not wanting to disturb him I ignored the knockout and didn’t move at all. 

I was looking at this lad, one hand holding a bunch of my hair, other hand’s thumb in his mouth, his head resting on my arms and eyes closed, he had a peaceful look on his face. While I was still starring him and feeling proud to me a mother he smiled in sleep and turned, his back facing me now and I realized he left my hair, and held my forearms with both his hands and was smiling still.

That was a cute sight, he simply curdled around my arms and kept the beautiful smile on. I just could not afford to miss the love I felt from him and in return I was smiling from ear to ear. Reality suddenly strike me, ‘oh I cannot move now’. I had made plans to perform the activities which otherwise I cannot do when he is wide awake and here the baby is sleeping and how will I do the work pending. Thinking about this I tried to move my hands but change in his expression made me stop any efforts towards escaping, I felt that it was my baby’s plan to hold me so he can peacefully sleep. Lying back and thinking all possible way to flee watching the hands of the wall clock in front of me moving.

Moments later I felt a tap on my hand, I ignored it then came a second tap on my face and heard a sound like eeeyaaaa. I gained my conscious and tried to recollect releasing that thinking about escape I slept for good 2 hours and my baby also slept peacefully for this long which he hardly does. I found a nice wide welcoming smile from my kid to which I smiled and hugged him back. He shouted eeyaa again got down from the bed and started to roam around in search of what to play with and I was there lying on my bed and banged my head, had mixed feeling for lost time but the naughty fellow made me sleep which is not bad either. 

My Star...Dedicated to my love

I woke up in the morning with the feeling of a new day. The new day had a
wish. I wished that I could see a shinning star in the bright clear blue
sky. I went to see the sky. The bright sunny sky had birds flying all over.
Sun's rays were adding beauty to few clouds floating up there. The breeze
was cold as it was early in the morning. Through my balcony I could see the
sea. Its appearance gave me strength to carry on. Sea or ocean as you may
call it is huge. It has the heart of a gem so much of life, and activities
keep going on in it but yet its so silent and so simple. From above one
could never know what’s going on inside. I tried to search my Star and
there right in front of me I could see a single big star shinning as if it
was smiling to me and wishing me good morning and a good day ahead.
Satisfied with what I have witnessed through my balcony I went in to
prepare for a long day ahead.

My day was as busy & as usual hectic but I was wondering that I kept
thinking about my star and the calmness its presence brought me. Its good
wishes have helped me through my day. After the days work I got back home.
It was getting dark outside and my Star strike my mind again. I rushed to
my balcony to visit it again that day.

As the sun sets I could see the bright sky disappearing into dim lights of
the millions of small stars. I could see the sun is immersing itself into
the sea to come again for another bright day. The sky was now occupied by
small-small lights, the lights of many stars. The sea was quiet as usual.
The streetlights were switched on. The traffic was more as people might be
in hurry to reach home. The breeze was cold again. But there I could meet
my brightest Star. It stands out in the mass. I could feel the Intensity
and serenity it brought deep in me, it simply lighten me up from inside.
Smiling at my star I started to talk to it. I explained it how was my day
and it listened to me quietly. Having done with my talking I was in peace
to end the day as I knew my Star would be there in the bright sky the next
day, to wish me luck through out the day.

Sun is symbol of hope, Birds remembered me of life, Sea its beauty and
vastness. When I saw the sky it told me to follow my limitless dreams. Few
clouds represented coolness and movement in life, many small stars are the
crowd and my Star stands out. My Star is my hope, life, dream and my love
and this Bright Star, MY STAR is you..... I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!